I may be green but Green Thumb, I am not.

My mother has the greenest thumb I know. She can revive any plant, any flower, or any tree. Her plants flower when they are not suppose to flower. She can take a branch of a dead tree, stick it in the ground and the next thing you know, there are green leaves coming out.

Mom's Iris

Iris in my garden Mom rescued from a friend

Well, that little green thumb chromosome must have fallen off the DNA while it was being duplicated in the zygote because I have “Brown” thumbs.

Everything I touch turns brown and they die.

And because she loves plants and flowers so much that she has over twenty houseplants. She promises she won’t acquire more because it’s too much to take care of.  When she goes on vacations, she leaves me specific instructions on how to water her “babies.” When she calls me to check to see how everyone is doing, she’s actually forgot to tell me how to water one of her plants.

The conversation goes something like this.

Mom: Hi, how are you doing? Did the kids go to school OK? Did “he” – my husband – go to work safely? I forgot to tell you, there is this one plant that looks like a snake but it grows upward, and it is dark green with yellowish (she knows I have no clue what any of the scientific names of her plants are so she has to describe them in detail)…..

Me: Fine. Yes. Yes. and No, I have no idea what plant you are talking about but they are all dead.

Mom: Seriously. You know the one that’s right next to the one that looks like a spider………..

Me: Mom, I know. Do you want me to water it, like every day or…..

Mom: NO! I called to tell you NOT to water that one.

So the conversation goes on for hours….on her instructions on how to take care of her plants. And that is not including the flowers in pots in her back patio.

Don’t get me started on those.

But  I think I killed my Hyancinths. You know the one that got me so intoxicated with its gorgeous smell a couple of weeks ago?

Hyancinths

Yup, these guys.

The leaves were all turning brown now so I thought they needed more water. No, they are just wilting now and need to be planted in the garden for them to flower next year, my Mom tells me. Whew!

So I clipped all the brown leaves and I planted them in the garden but they still look kinda iffy to me.

hyacinth

Oh, this is so frustrating. I love nature but sometimes nature doesn’t like me. It makes me feel bad for not knowing its personality. I don’t know if it needs water or less water. I pull out green stuff from the garden thinking they are weeds but my mom tells me they are not. I leave stuff thinking they are pretty and my mom tells me they are weeds. I can’t win. I planted a whole bunch of seeds this weekend but now, I have angst because I don’t know if any of them will sprout. I stared at the trays and checked for any signs of change every hour today. So silly. I know.

Are you this nervous about planting?

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